I close my eyes
I see your memories
I take them on
I make them my own
I lose myself
I become my past
I lost myself
I got it back
I lost it again
I never had it at all
I fooled myself
I thought it was gone
There was nothing there
So why do I struggle so hard?
I close my eyes
I see the images
Always, always the images
Photographic memories
Some bless
Some curse
What else can I say?
What haven't I already said?
Three steps forward
One step crushes my head
Grappling onto a single thread
New friends, new future
Forward movement
Anything that says "me"
But there you are
There you all are
Waiting to pull me back in
Waiting to see the victim
Throwing darts of melancholy
Trying too hard to impress
Black pages of anarchy
Sound bites of personality
I've changed 94% in ten years
But yet you make me feel 15
You only see Predicted Y
When I am an obvious outlier
God the drama, so much drama
And I am left to sort it all out
Deciding to turn my back
While trying not to shut it out
Finding ways to let it all go
Embracing the here, the now
Friends that are there
Friends that are continuous
Wrapped up in all your trivial shit
Thinking everyone else is the problem
Throwing out the constant excuses
You are your own best mess
Yet that history is also mine
How do you stop living it?
When the relationship is gone
Those emotions become homeless
Residing inside my head
Revolving around my dreams
I wish you all the best
I wish you would feel guilty
I am peaceful without you
I could step back, but why?
Forward is how I will grow
That means letting you go
Wishing you all the best
It just isn't enough
Giving myself the best
That is what's needed
I have to relinquish control
You cannot be mine
I have to release you
Let Life live you its own way
Time to stop swimming
Time to float in the sun
Watch you from across the pond
Briefly, then swim toward myself
"You know that you are not alone
Need you like water in my lungs"
Sail on
Touch the sun
Sail on again
The wind will guide me
Sail on, Sail on
I am not done