Burlap & Satin

-- First giving away of items on Freecycle experience = Oh. My. God. What greedy-ass people we have in the world. What part of "it's already taken and out of my driveway" do you not understand? I don't care that you're on a fixed income and somehow badly "really really need" landscape edging (wtf?) but whatever dude, it's gone and therefore not worth emailing me 100 more times to ask me if I would please consider giving it to you anyway. It is GONE. Like the wind. Capice?

-- Now this is cool. Seriously, how awesome is it that someone wanted to reunite photos with their owners just for the sake of goodness? Rock on.

-- We're leaving for the beach in about a week. That's not as fun as it sounds. The entire trip is for a family reunion and my entire family will be there, griping about everything under the sun and talking over everyone else at top volume while we all wear obnoxious neon t-shirts with our family crest on them and complain about the weather. Should be um... interesting. At least we've rented our own little separate cottage by the water. And yes, we're taking the dogs. I have no idea how they will react to the ocean. I hope it's at least favorable... and that Bogey doesn't try to swallow a crab. Because he would. He seriously would.

-- Since we've never left our cats alone for longer than four days, we decided to hire a professional catsitter while we're gone. The company requires an in-home visit first though in order to learn more about your animals and obtain a key. The information they required was very thorough and extensive. This was both reassuring and odd. By the end of filling out a form for every single animal (5 total), it was hard to tell if we were overprotective pet parents or just downright insane. Observe:

"Jekyll's favorite hiding places: the upstairs closets. Please keep closet doors cracked at all times so she does not become trapped. There is limited air conditioning upstairs too so she may also just be sprawled in the floor panting. The heat doesn't seem to bother her, but you may have to move her downstairs so she doesn't overheat, as she will not do this herself. Also, she might bite."

"Ghost is weary of strangers at first and will not approach you immediately. It is best to let her approach you at her own pace. However, if you wish to play with her, I would recommend the laser pointer and the giant feather toy in order to draw her out of her shell. If the bottom of the food bowls is visible or the litter boxes are not clean, she may pee on the bathroom rug. If so, please just throw it downstairs next to the washer. If she decides to pee on your jacket or bag, this means she likes you. Feel free to use our washer and dryer. Febreze is under the kitchen sink."

"Raven is very social and will most likely greet you immediately. She often tries to escape out the front door and will be waiting closeby ready to sprint once she hears your key. Best to have your foot ready to block her path immediately. Has a habit of jumping from extreme heights when bored and trying to knock over unstable furniture during the night, so please call veterinarian if you should notice any limping or lameness in her legs. Also, if there are furballs please check them for ribbon. It is her favorite treat. Sometimes answers to 'SuperDave.'"

-- It's a good thing this catsitter is a female bodybuilder with a black belt and a sense of humor. Because seriously, someone is going to need protection while we're gone and I don't think it's the cats.

That's all I've really got for you tonight because it's been a long day and I'm tired. Speaking of sleepy, how about I leave you with this?

Yes, we are rigorously training for beach life.