Burlap & Satin

1. I've lied to professors about "family emergencies" in order to get out of doing projects and I don't regret it. Still true, but I do kind of regret it. I wish that I'd been more focused in college and simply gotten a degree in art like I wanted to, rather than cutting so much class.
2. I often talk out loud to people from my past that aren't here (as a result of various childhood issues) - and it's really starting to annoy me. This isn't so true for me anymore, though I believe I will always struggle with some of the demons, just not so much as to interfere with my life.
3. I'm getting better about that though for the first time in my life, and I'm starting to be calmer as a result.
4. My favorite junk food fix is chocolate-chip cookies from a tube with skim milk. Nope, not anymore. Now, it seems to be pizza.
5. I always wish I could play a killer guitar by ear like my dad. My dad still plays killer guitar by ear, but it's not my coveted instrument anymore. Guitar gets you chicks, piano gets you respect. I'll take the piano.
6. I have had stomach problems since I was born... literally. I was born with IHPS and also had a giant piece of 'gristle' in my intestines which didn't allow me to digest food properly and caused massive projectile vomiting. When my mother took me in for my two-month checkup, I had actually lost weight and was immediately taken into surgery.
7. I still have a very large scar on my stomach from where this 'gristle' was removed and the Ramstedt procedure was performed. To this day, drinking carbonated beverages makes me sick as hell.
8. All that projectile vomiting traumatized my dad. He has never fed a baby since. I still tease him about it.
9. I love painting entire rooms and remodeling. Obviously this was written before we bought the Fixer Upper from Hell. I still enjoy the designing of a room, just not the actual work so much. I have to say though that painting is still my strong suit and I really don't mind it.
10. If I'm stuck in a boring white room, I get depressed easily and feel trapped.
11. I can put myself into a trance that paralyzes my body. You know, I haven't tried this since I was like 19, so who cares
12. I once threw up on a crowded school bus all over everyone - and laughed because it felt good to throw up on the same people that picked on me everyday.
13. Anything even remotely regarding the "stuff inside of our nostrils" makes me nauseous.
14. As does watching people eat bugs and particularly worms.
15. I think spiders have some of the coolest habits on the planet - yet I am horribly arachnophobic.
16. I think snakes kick ass.
17. If I had to live my life without music, I would die. No joke. I can't even fathom such a thing.
18. My only goal in life is to be happy. That's it. Yes, being happy is my major goal, but now I don't think I would be truly happy unless I was making a difference in the world. That's next on my list.
19. I am a huge Stephen King fan. I read Misery when I was nine years old and never looked back.
20. I corresponded with Stephen King for many years as a teenager and he was always friendly and always wrote me back.
21. My mom was in jail for a week once when I was 7 and I talked to her through the glass on those big black telephones. Believe it or not, I thought it was really fun.
22. I feel that there are relatives and friends looking out for me from the other side and I pray to them regularly to send me some good energy and put in a good word for me with whoever's in charge. I still do this, but I'm starting to slowly connect and try to understand what I can only consider to be "God." I'm trying, not always succeeding.
23. I love ketchup, tomato soup and marinara sauce, but I hate raw tomatoes. Lately though, I've been learning to tolerate them a little better. So not true anymore. I love them and put them on burgers, cook with them, etc etc. I still don't think I could just eat one raw though. Yuck.
24. I've never been able to eat raw produce. If I eat any vegetables at all, they must be cooked. Still true. Actually I've discovered that eating raw veggies kind of makes me sick.
25. I've been vegetarian since July 1st, 2004 - the day I gave a class speech on factory farms. Yes, my decision was for moral reasons. Still veggie, still loving it.
26. I hate PETA. I believe their extremism undermines the entire animal rights movement.
27. I once almost hit a deer on the highway, but screeched to a stop less than three inches from him. He was pissed anyway and bucked the living shit out of my car. There were hoof prints in my radiator.
28. I eat entirely too much cheese. Working on this. Trying to eat healthier and go easy with the cheese and sauces. So far, I've found some good stuff.
29. My favorite tv show growing up was The A-Team. I revered Mr. T and even watched his cartoon on the USA network. Shut up.
30. I've been a serious Garfield fan and collector since I was a child. My Garfield memorabilia collection is quite massive. I don't read the comic so much anymore, but I still love the Stuff.
31. I had my heart set on being a veterinarian until I was 14. When I went to a 'career interest day' in 9th grade, a counselor told me that my science grades were horrible and that I had a 'snowball's chance of getting into vet school.' Worst of all, my dad said she was 'probably right.' I was crushed and it changed my life forever.
32. Later that year, a friend told me I should be an actress. I tried it and quickly became hooked.
33. Five years after that, I discovered I hated acting and took a photography class on a whim in college.
34. I've been an avid photographer ever since. It was my major in college and then became my minor.
35. My degree is a Bachelor's of Art in Psychology only because it will bring me back to my first love - animals. Particularly how animals and humans relate to each other (also known as ethology).
36. It took nearly 10 years for me to discover that the stupid career fair bitch was wrong all this time.
37. My dad gave me my sense of humor by watching SNL and Monty Python with me when I was young.
38. He also gave me my perfectionist tendencies.
39. I was a seriously compulsive and destructive nail biter for my entire life, until miraculously at the age of 27, I graduated college and just decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. So far, it's worked. God, I wish this was still true. The nailbiting returned nearly a month after the wedding in '07. Don't know why and I still can't seem to stop.
40. I was once homeless for a few months - and slept on the benches at my college during the summer. I still don't like to talk about that time in my life.
42. I don't believe in right and wrong. I believe everything is on a continuum of varying shades of grey.
43. In the summer of 2002 at the age of 25, I found out that I have a Level II Mathematical Learning Disorder. This means that I can read numbers just fine, but that I can't process abstract concepts, like algebra or calculus. It also means that I have difficulty adding or subtracting double digits in my head.
44. I think Intelligence testing is a crock and it pisses me off when people use I.Q. scores as a reference. I still don't know what to think about what we call "learning disorders."
45. I go to tarot readers regularly and believe in their abilities. Yes, I've been ripped off by a lot of fakes (and even dated one), but I've currently found a very good tarot reader that has continually blown me away with her predictions, so I'm sticking with her. This is so not true anymore. I've really shifted my thinking in that respect and taken control of my destiny. I guess for me, I've started to believe that no matter what happens, I will trust myself to handle it regardless of whether or not it was predicted ahead of time. So why worry about predicting it when you could be living it?
46. I've been into astrology very heavily since I was 7 years old and discovered horoscopes in the newspaper. Though I know more about astrology than most people, I don't flaunt it anymore. I figure it's not really worth the breath when so many other people claim themselves to be 'experts.' Also, I'm starting to realize that you create your own lives and it's just not so important to me lately to find out what the stars say. It's kind of sad, as astrology was one of the few things at which I was damn good. I do still believe that some astrological traits are interesting, but again, see #45.
47. I began blogging in June of 2002 on Blogger and moved to my own domain here one year later.
48. The name for Burlap Soul describes me perfectly. It comes from one of my favorite poems - Words Never Spoken by Doris Vanderlipp Manley.
49. I haven't eaten breakfast since I was 20 years old. Eventually I got to a point where it just made me sick every day, so I quit. I've started eating at least a granola bar in the mornings, just to try and kick-start my weird-ass metabolism.
50. My dream home would be a custom designed architectural oddity on a horse ranch in the hills of Kentucky - and have lots of animals and lots of land. Yeah, you know, I don't know about this one anymore. I do want lots of animals and lots of land, but if I have a house I enjoy and am comfortable living in, then I'll be happy. I would like a vacation cottage on Lake Huron though, that's a given.
51. I'm a huge tomboy at heart. Wearing cute "girly" things has always made me want to puke, but lately I'm surprised to see that I'm embracing femininity just a little. For instance, I've started to really like hot pink. Again, I'm starting to embrace looking feminine. It's a slow process and I'll always be a bit of a tomboy, but I'm learning that looking like a girl isn't so bad either.
52. I intend to remain a virgin until I am married. No religious reasons - it just feels right to me. Um, yes I did, but now I'm married, so um, no.
53. I am still undecided as to whether or not I want to have children. I don't know that I can handle the responsibility and loss of independence.
54. Also, as a child abuse survivor, I'm horribly terrified of having kids and then fucking them up. I don't want to make anyone feel the pain I felt.
55. I've been stalked before in real life. I don't recommend it.
56. I have the most horrible balance of anyone I know. I can't roller skate, rollerblade, or ice skate. It's a miracle that I can still ride a bike.
57. Last year, I fulfilled one of my lifelong goals - learning Italian. I love the language and can't wait to see Italy someday.
58. I'm terrified of flying. I've been on one flight in my life and it was the longest 90 minutes ever. I haven't had the opportunity to fly anywhere since that first horrible flight, but hopefully I'll be able to enjoy it when it comes? We'll see.
59. I've worn some variation of a Garfield watch every day since I was 14. I have a permanent tan line on my wrist. I feel naked and anxious when I forget my watch.
60. Coloring books are one of my favorite unwinding activities. I still have tons of crayons and like to color by candlelight - especially during power outages with J. ;-)
61. It took me almost 10 years to get my bachelor's degree. I've been enrolled in college almost constantly from 1995 to 2005.
62. The reasons for this are complicated: I've had three different majors and taken three different year-long breaks during this time. The first break was from academic suspension (from 1st year burnout). The second break was for administrative/financial reasons. The third break was for nervous breakdown/stalking reasons... and because I decided to move to Detroit to collect my head and be with J.
63. J. and I met online at a website that no longer exists on December 9th of 1999. Less than a month later, I asked him out and we met in person and had our first date on the weekend of Y2K.
64. My earliest memory is at the age of 4, when my mother was teaching me how to write my name at the coffee table in our old living room.
65. The next memory after that is me sitting in that same room and being asked by my parents which of them I wanted to live with.
66. I've been through a lot of divorce in my life. It's one of the reasons J. and I are not yet married. I want to do it right the first time.
67. Reality tv should be permanently banished. Seriously. I can't fucking stand it.
68. My hair has always been down to my waist, since I was a child. When I was 25 years old, I cut off 5 inches. It's been getting slightly shorter ever since. Now, it's pretty short and I really love it. I can't imagine how I wore it so long for so, well, long.
69. Washing the dishes is something that I abhor. However, doing laundry or vacuuming calms me. I also don't mind cleaning the toilet. Go figure.
70. My favorite home remedy is a spoonful of sugar for the hiccups. Tastes like shit, but it works every time. Just ask J. I've forced him to take it enough times to know.
71. I've never drank, smoke or taken a recreational drug in my life. The rate of addiction in my family is so high that I don't even risk it.
72. My mom is a reformed biker that used to party entirely too much. I've ridden on many Harleys and taken care of so many drunk people, it's not even funny. I am and have always been the designated driver.
73. I'm an intense night owl. I do my best work after midnight.. like right now, when it's 2:44 am. I'm wide awake.
74. I have an intense desire to travel. Ireland, Italy, Britain, India and China are my top must-sees currently. I'd also love to visit the Maldives and Tahiti.
75. Autumn is my absolute favorite season and I always, always love the sound of rain. It's the only thing that helps me sleep sometimes, so I have lots of rain-sound cds that we play every night at bedtime. Autumn is still great, but I can't say that I have a favorite season anymore. I like them all. Rain still puts me to sleep, but when you have a dog that's terrified of thunder, it can make a summer rainstorm the bane of your existence.
76. I can't stand the abbreviated language of the internet. LOL, IMHO, 'email addy' and 'puter' drive me crazy and I will not use them.
77. However, I love using 'WTF.' That's just funny.
78. I'm extremely sensitive to color in my environment. Some shades of green make me physically nauseous. That's how much I hate the color green.
79. Our office here and our bedroom at the old place are/were green though. That's how contradictory I am. (Though to be fair, they are very pale spring green shades that go with an oriental theme. It seems to be hunter green and avocado green that I hate the most.) If only I'd known the Hunter Green Hell that was lying in wait ahead of me! Oh, poor 2005 Staz.
80. Within the next few years, I intend to become a licensed dog trainer or animal behaviorist. I've been training dogs since I was a kid and want to eventually train companion animals, therapy animals and seeing eye dogs for a living. Still working on this one...
81. I haven't carried a purse since I graduated high school. My purses became smaller and smaller until I eventually carried only a wallet. I now carry nothing but car keys, cash and a wallet with only my identification and credit cards in my back pocket.
82. I've had my ears pierced three times. Each time, they grew up in the middle, even after having earrings in for years at a time. I've taken it as a sign that I am not meant to have pierced ears. This suits me just fine. I don't like to wear a lot of jewelry.
83. I cannot stand a martyr and will not suffer them (or fools) lightly. Ironically, I've been both to a staggering degree, which is why I probably cannot stand it when someone is a martyr with me. I know you too well, kid.
84. I don't believe that anyone is any better or worse than anyone else.
85. Whether it be a breath mint or a bowl of ice cream, I have to have something sweet after dinner... no matter what.
86. I am what's known as a 'piler.' I have big messy piles of stuff everywhere, but I know where everything is in those piles at any given time. If someone rearranges my piles, I get very agitated and can't find anything.
87. I like to collect things, but I don't like clutter and being a packrat. So I only have five basic collections: Garfield memorabilia (my favorite), black cats (displayed at Halloween), snowmen (displayed during winter), hippos and Pez dispensers. I'm scaling down my collections and starting to collect only stuff that is truly meaningful and that I can display easily. My Garfield collection has been in storage for a year now.
88. The hardest things for me to say to people are, "I'm sorry," "I'm wrong," and "I love you." I have horrible issues with admitting my vulnerabilities and mistakes and it has cost me a lot of friends.
89. I have only received two trophies in my life: one for Best Woodwind in 9th grade concert band (flute) and one for winning the Regional Spelling Bee in 5th grade. I still have them.
90. I once sold 365 candy bars for my 3rd grade elementary school fundraiser and won a bike. My stepmother was angry and ignored me for a week because I didn't win her the color television that she wanted. I never told her that I stopped selling candy bars on purpose so that I could win 2nd place and get the bike instead.
91. I have plantar fasciitis from working on my feet as a pharmacy technician for four years.
92. I loved my job as a pharmacy tech, but had to quit because of school and health reasons. Everyone I know asks me about their prescriptions instead of asking their doctors. My mom calls me her 'Walking PDR.' All of this amuses me because it's not something I'd ever consider as a career. It was just a really cool job that taught me a lot about meds.
93. My significant other J. and I are both virgins that found each other in our twenties. This was not a definite plan, life just worked out that way for us. We are still amazed that we found each other... and I relish the fact that I was his first real kiss. We can't wait for our honeymoon. The honeymoon came and went and it was wonderful and all, but considering that we both had strep throat the entire time, it wasn't as nice as we had hoped. Maybe someday we'll get a do-over?
94. Oh, and we're working on that whole 'getting married' thing too. Check.
95. I love to ride my bike. Though I'm not really into mountain biking or cross country cycling. I just like to ride on all the paved curvy backroads here in Kentucky.
96. I really love my home state. I just wish it was a little more open-minded sometimes.
97. My dad is married to my mom's sister. Yes, the tree forks. Yes, it's all very, very good. Ironically, they are all three the best of friends and having all of them together in one place is a blast at holiday time.
98. I have hypothyroidism, meaning that part of my thyroid is basically dead and I will have to take medication for the rest of my life. So far, I'm okay with that. If it makes me feel like myself again, then it's worth it. I'm fine with taking medication, though seriously pissed about having a doctor that doesn't seem to know jack shit about thyroids. So um, yeah, I'm still working with this one. Sadly, I think I always will be.
99. I can't believe that it has taken me nearly 2 years 5 years and three different attempts to tell you 100 things about me.
100. Ironically, all of this tells you nothing. Yep, still true.